Fear and progress

I almost chickened out the othe day. One special friend was scheduled to help me begin the process of gutting the house. As I took my dog to daycare and headed to the store for soup and bread to serve for lunch, I panicked. Could I really open myself and my home to anyone, even a friend? I had finally reached a state of disgust with my mess and myself, but was I ready to expose that to someone else? Determination to overcome my inertia finally overcame my fear. My friend arrived and we began.

We just began. I wasn't sure where to start, and neither was my friend. We talked for a few minutes and tried to arrive at a strategy. I knew I wasn't ready to "follow the book" and begin with clothes. Marie Kongo in The Life-changing Magic of Tidying Up,  suggests that the wardrobe is key to beginning. There was no way to go that route. So, we began with paper. I still have two boxes of shredables from the list time I cleaned. I now have two more. I also have a full recycling bin and an over-flowing garbage can. The process was not painful. My friend and I talked for the four hours we spent going through magazines, advertisements, bills, and every other imaginable incarnation of paper. Yes, we did break for soup and bread; we had been sure to clean a portion of the dining room table for ourselves.

I wanted to quit once or twice, but having someone else here helped me push aside those thoughts as quickly as they came. I tried to ignore the big picture which would have revealed how much more needs to be done. I kept my focus entirely on the task at hand. I felt good. By the time my friend left, I wanted a nap. Later on that day, as I returned from picking up my dog, walking back into my house felt good. While I had made only minimal progress toward winnowing down my stuff, I still could see a difference.

Perhaps the clearest evidence of progress, though, came through my dog's reaction. He was confused, unsettled, and curious. I don't think he just smelled that my friend had been in his space. He had new territory to smell. He had more space to wander. He has no idea what chanel are yet to come.

Oh, I don't know how to fix that italics problem while using my tablet. Maybe I'll try to use the old desktop computer later. Sorry.